Mixed Categories SMS Page # 8 :: My Required . Info

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Mixed Categories SMS Page # 8

Written by Administrator Saturday, 01 August 2009 19:56

What does it say on the wrapping of the Morning-after pil??? ......first some screwing before use

Farmer seeks woman with tractor. Please add photo of tractor.

Do you think I can live for another fourty years? ... Do you drink? ... No! ... Do you smoke? ... No! ... Do you visit the whores? ... No! ....... Why do you want to live another fourty years?

Dialogue between 2 undertakers. "Do you have sometimes a dead period?"

There are numerous restaurants where you can eat Chinese. But it does not help a bit. There are more every day.

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

I never forget a face, but for you I will make an exception.

Nostalgia is not what it used to be.

Speaking Italian is hard, but I eat and drink it without difficulties!

A good movy can make you cry... so can onions.

Those who think that things happen too fast are expected in a bank or a post office!

My "aim" in life is: die young when I am very old.

When you are lazy, you cannot help it. When you are tired, that is your own fault.

who digs a hole for some else is surely no selfish person !

If my head looks like yours, I'd shave my rear end and walked on my hands.

Mirrors should be able to think before reflecting the images.

All nice things in life are illegal, immoral, or make you grow fat.

When it is raining setbacks, use your smile as an umbrella!

Before you want to start making a work of art, first make a draft, that is what also God did by creating first the man and then the woman

I would not call myself important, but I am convinced that when I was not born, everyone would like to know why.

A new meeting next month ? Sorry, that is not possible, I have to go to a funeral.

Happiness is a disaster. You get lazy. When you do not pay attention, you might start loving life.

The only good thing about your own mistakes, is that is might make other people happy.

He was very lonely. The only type he knew was his blood type.

I visited the tax office. I wanted to know the people I work for.

I was a beautiful baby. But they switched my in the hospital.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so my friend stay wasted all the time, and have the time of your life!

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

A scientist crossed a skunk with an owl. He's got a bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.

Why are all the dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men will understand them.

Name ten animals from Africa. Nine elephants and a giraffe.

Two's company, three's a crowd but what is four and five? Nine.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? Ask your mother.

All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…

If you wanna be a hippie, put you flower in your pipi…

Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!

Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............

Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?

A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

You should know what it takes to look this cheap!

You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you

You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it?

You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number

You’d better not be a dayfly and not having your day.

Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on!

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Baicarumba...are those real?

Be unique and different, just say yes.

Can I flirt with you?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

Greetings and salivations

Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?

Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

A lawyer says 'we' won' or 'You' have lost.

All computers wait at the sames speed.

Real anarchists play chess without kings.

Monday is one seventh of your life!

When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!

Aiming to remain good sports, we park as close as possible near the sports centre.

Money ressembles fat... there is plenty of it, but always in the wrong places.

No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it.

Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!

Richness has eternal value if we use it to make others happy.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die...

There are days that nothing goes your way, but does it help to complain? No, not a bit. So, stand up to it, list all the points and put your schoulders to the wheel, even worries go away.

Learn to live every moment of happiness, are never too busy to receive or give love.

We have to make a choice, the truth or the appearances. You can loose yourself if you are never you.

The sea consists of water drops, the sand dunes of grains of sand, time of moments, use them with common sense!

Today is the day ... It comes only once- ... because tomorrow ...is no longer today. Enjoy life... it is possible ...but do it today ... because today is the day

When you yell 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough energy to warm one cup of coffee. ( Niet echt de moeite dus!)

You can't walk in the light without causting a shadow

Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS

If you hit every time the target is too near or too big.

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes

The secret of success lies not in doing your own work but in recognizing the right man to do it.

People are not afraid of how bad you are, People are afraid of how good you are.

Trains never follow the schedule, they follow the rails

The one who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, the one who does not ask, remains a fool for ever

It is better to know everything of one subject, than to know something of everything.

The past becomes longer and longer and the future shorter and shorter, the hope in the future is bigger than the regrets for the past

Never drive faster thant you guardian angel can fly !

Getting an other boyfriend or husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself.

When you choose not to make a choice, you do choose because you choose not to choose.

Life is hard, learn from the mistakes of others and not of your own mistakes !

When you turn you nose 180 degrees, you would drown when it rains

Children in the backseat cause accidents... Accidents in the back seat cause children.

People wasted a lot of time talking about who came first, the chicken or the egg, but it was surely the cock.

Life is hard, but the front of a train is harder...

Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!

Life is like toilet paper, long and usefull !!!!

A fart is nothing more than a lost cough.

One day you will find the woman of your life and at that point you will already be married.

I only drink to make my wife look prettier.

It is weird that my nose is running and my feet smell.

Love is blind, ladies' underwear is braille

Love based on beauty, dies along with the beauty.

Be nice to those who smoke, every sigarette may be their last.

Boredom was the other word for a safe and undisturbed life.

Do not keep hanging in the past, do not dream of the future, but concentrate on the present.

Light is faster than sound. That is why people look intelligent, until you hear them speak.

All mushrooms are eatable. But some you can only eat once.

Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot.

A pessimist is someone who believes that women are frivolous. An optimist is someone who hopes for this.

Every good-bye is the birth of a memory

Every married man knows why they name hurricanes after women

Common sense and a sense of humour are the sames things but at different speeds. A good sense of humor is just common sense that dances.

I believe that there is life after death. But I do not think I will live it.

There are so many things I have to do, that I should better go to sleep.

You may not be too hard on my secretaries. They are sweet and understanding when I arrive at the office after having a tough day at home.

Only 17% of all trafic accidents was caused by drunk drivers, so the other 83% was caused by, yes you got it....the sober ones among us!!

What do you have in common with your husband ? " We married on the same day."

Good advice,whatever happens, make it look like to intend to.

Words of a client in an antique shop: do you have anything new ?

Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet.

Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.

I want to live in Switserland where the mountains are higher than the taxes.

Join the army, meet interesting people and then ... kill them...

All of you who believe in psychokinetics, raise 'my' hand ...

Lots of people stop working once they found a job!

I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children.

Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children.

The fact that there are 'intelligent' extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.

I said no to drugs, but they did nog listen!

10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors?!

Mistakes have been made, others will be punished.

As long as they pretend to pay me, I pretend I am working.

I started out with nothing... and I still have most of it!

3 monkeys escaped from the zoo ... one was caught watching tv ... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

My mother-in-law walks 5 miles every day... I wonder where she'd be by now.

Like a rose withers, so is our relationship withering ...

Keep the school clean ... stay home!

Be quiet in the classroom, respect the fact that others sleep!

We do have to go to school ... Have to is force ... Forcing is slavery .... Slavery is forbidden ... SO ... we do not have to go to school!

The word HELLO means: H=How are you? E=Evrything alright? L=Like 2 hear from you! L=Love 2 see you soon O=Obviously I miss you..SO, HELLO

No boys no love, no love no sex, no sex no people, no people no school, no school no problems

That is how a triatlon has been invented : go swimming on foot and coming home by bike.

The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short ... does not exist

It's the one who won't be taken, who cannot seem to give.

It's the soul afraid of dying ... That never learns to live

It's the dream afraid of waking, that never takes the change.

It's the heart afraid of Breaking ... that never learns to dance.

Secrets, they only last long enough to break you down

Life is beautiful if you are willing to see it

A bra is a thing that keeps up what would hang down otherwise ...

When my father broke in to my mother I had to sit there for months!

Boys say it's great, boys say it's fine. 9 months later they say it's not mine !

Teachers help you with problems that you would not have if they were not there.

I am in seventh heaven, the other six do not want me.

Women are like hurricanes! When they come they are wet and heavy. When they leave they take your home and your car ! !

No one ever died because of hard labour, but I think :"why would I take the risk?"

I love working. I can look at it for hours.

We used to listen to the Doors, now we have Windows.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Computers are machines to help you solve problems you wouldn't have if you didn't have a computer.

Life would be a lot easier if I had the source-code.

Life is like a nose, you have to take out what is in it !

You need 60 muscles to be angry and 20 to smile why would you make things difficult?

My thoughts wondering off, I am always everywhere.

I intended to become rich while sleeping, but I could not fall asleep yet.

It is better to have one bullet in the hand than ten in the back.

Nok nok. Who's there? ..... Marie ...... Marie who? ...... Marie who wanna...!!

Wanna get stoned? Drink wet cement!

Umm...your .... ZIP is open...

Reality is for people who can't face science fiction.

Idiot (id-ee-it) n.- One who disagrees with you.

How do frogs die ? They Ker-mit suicide.

Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

If I can be of any help, you're in worse trouble than I thought.

What do I miss about my wife? Her absence.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let her sleep.

Linus is like a wigwam,no windows,no gates and an apache inside...

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested

The longest sentence known to man: "I do."

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.

I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.

What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fcuked the miners, the other fcuked the Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.

Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great to play on your mobile phone sms friends :)

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!

What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.

Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.

Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly

What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying, is the person who makes you cry in the first place?

To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the
world

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not

life is short if you dont look around once in a while you might miss
it

Be yourself, there are enough other people

FRIENDS are like stars…you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!..

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever

A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.

Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wot they mean 2 u coz when u decide its the right time it might b 2 late!

If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything

Sumtimes its harder 2 say no wen u really mean yes.Its hard 2 close ur eyes wen u really want 2 see.But the hardest thing 2 do is to let go wen u want to stay

You might regret what you do- but you'll you regret what you don't do SO much more

2 let go doesnt mean 2 stop carin.2 let go is to learn theres sumthin beyond.2 let go means acceptin reality.2 let go is lovin more coz u only want the best.

If you are the flame you can't be burned

Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery.today is a gift that is why we call it the present!

Intelligence is like a river.The deeper it is the less noise it makes

be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart.for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top

Be friendly to your children as they are the ones that decide where you live when your are old.

When you finally find the perfect guy you think to yourself why isn't he taken?

while w8ing 4 d right person 2 come- play & hav fun with d wrong 1.but b careful with who u play with bcoz dat person mite b d right 1 all along

If you fool me once shame on you.If you fool me twice shame on me.

Guys are like roses- watch out for the pricks.

Some says i have car its name TOYOTA some says i have byic its name HONDA some says i have cycle its name BMX but i says i have DOG and its name owais.

First Slogan was 'Pakistan Zindabad'
now it is 'Pakistan Se Zinda Bhag'

Everybody wants someone Special,
Someone Nice,
Someone thought ful,
Someone honest,
Someone Cute,
Someone perfect,
Someone attractive,
Why they always call ME!

Bill Gates married with 18 years old girl next day journalists asked the girl. How was ur last night? She replied politely & sadly. It was MICRO and SOFT

Eik interview main Tariqaziz nay Reema se pucha aap subha uth kar kia karti hain? Reema nai jawab
dia main apnaa ghar jati hoon

Na love na pyar na shadi na dosti hum dard kharidte nahi batchte hain.

Amitabhe Bachan Ask Reema in Kuan Benga Crore pati that what is the name of ur father see said that i will take life line (janta ka poll)

Aap 50,00,000/- (Fifty Lac)jeet chokay hain,EK Crore ka sawal ye raha aap ki computer screen per:
IN MEIN SAY KON PEHLAY PEDA HOWA?
a>Anda
b>Murghi
c>Murgha
d>Chooza

Aana
Bano
Chandni
Doli
Esha
Fiza
Gori
Hina
Iram
Jasmine
Kiran
Lina
Maria
Noor
Omaira
Ponam
Qirat
Rani
Sadia
Tina
Uzma
Sara
Yar ye larkia mera pecha kab chora ge

IF U EVER WANT TO SUCCEED IN UR LIFE: "BE SWEET AS HONEY" "BE REGULAR AS CLOCK" "BE FRESH AS ROSE" "BE SOFT AS TISSUE" "BE STRONG AS ROCK" "BE SURE AS DEATH"

i'm pink & hard take me in your mouth "now" suck me hard and swollow my sweet juice until i go soft !!!!!derty mind.... "CHEWING GUM".

wana know if ur cousin is intrested in u? when she is in kitchen slap at her back. if she smiles then congratulation. if looks back Angrily shout BAJI DAR GAYEE

Tum ak begerat or zalil insan ho. Tumhara na koi character he na wafa dari na eman. . . . . . . . Ye shalimar film ka dialog he. kesa ?

QAYAMAT KI 3 NISHANIAN HEIN 1-JIS DIN MEMON BADMASH BAN GAYA-2-JIS DIN PATHAN KO CYCLE CHALANA AGAI 3-JIS DIN POLICE WALOON NEY UNDER WEAR PHENNA SHURO KARDI

HUSBAND:"TUM AISI ROTI NAHI PUKKA SAKTI JAISI MERI MA PUKKATI THEE?" WIFE:"TUM BHI AISA AATA NAHI GOONDH SAKTE JAISA TUMHARE ABBA GHOONDHA KARTE THE SAMJHE."

I'm sorry that I'm running late! There is a power failure and I am stuck on the escalator.

TELSTRA regrets to inform you that your birth was an accident. Please report to the nearest hospital to be put down. We apologise for any inconvenience caused.

OPTUS wishes to inform you that our product security division has been monitoring your phone. We once again remind you that your phone is not a masturbation device.

Hello, this is Death. Please answer when you are ready.

POLICE are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty and very gorgeous. They've already eliminated you from the search, but where do you think I should hide?

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Apparently it has been discovered that the intelligent gene is found in women.
Unfortunately 98% of them spit it back out.

All I ever wanted is what others have.

Laugh on your one and the world thinks you are an idiot.

A kiss that says it all is seldom a first edition.

Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!

It is better to be fair than to be popular!

The strongest musle of the human body is the tongue.

Time is something that makes sure that everything does nog happen at the same moment.

Life is not short, it is being dead that lasts such a long time!

I intend to live for ever and so far everything goes well.

I see things the way they are and say: Why? .................. I dream of things that never were and say: Why not?

Life is what happens when you plan to do other things -- John Lennon

copernicus said:"men with dick in peanutbutter is fucking nuts."

Law of Murphy..... Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong sooner or later......Murphy was an optimist.

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

A lot of people are in pain out of fear to be happy

A lof of people were never happy because they thought it had yet to come.

A laugh is the shortest distance between two people.

I want to die sleeping, just like my grandfather ..... Not yelling and screaming like the people on his bus.

He said:"I thank you for the wonderful talk." ... I had only been listening.

When your youngest child needs sex education, you have badly informed your elder children on the subject.

The heart and the brain are neighbours, but they will never be friends.

The present is just as mysterious as the future.

People who do not want to be disturbed, usually already are disturbed.

You can close your eyes for certain facts, but not for the memories.

Friendly words do not have to be long, the echo never dies.

Woman know that they are not that pretty any more when they have nothing to wear.

what do you have to do when you fall into a river with a sign "Forbidden to swim?"

Be yourself, there are enough other people.

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests!

At this moment i have a déjà vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before.

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last.

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again!

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!!

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found.

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! .

Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . .

Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too !

E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.

Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy.

For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?"

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : ‘I hope she will make herself up’!

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!!

Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.

Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world..

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?

I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing!

I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T

I am not your type ... I am not inflatable.

I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids...

I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one!

I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils...

If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.

If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit.

If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel.

Ik would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is working!

In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!

It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!!

Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???

Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number!

My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick."

My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment...

Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it?

One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you.

Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place.

Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed

roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you????

roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't...

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ..................

Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not!

The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning??

The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood !

They dropped your name, can you pick it up ?

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.

This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds."

This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!!

Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?

We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die."

We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!

What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed!

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance.

You are never too blond to learn !!!

You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number

You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things.

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